What you gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside your trunk?

Aw, geez. If I could spell it without having to Google "Coffee Talk with Linda Richman," I'd say I was getting verklempt. Here's why.

For the record, I will say a few things in response:

1) I'm happy to bid Matt welcome to the non-stop, thrill-a-minute, Lotto-ball-machine madness that is our family, be we Harris, Williams, Catrow, Little, or HyphenJones. (We should start a law firm.) Lest there be any doubt, I am already well and truly convinced that he is both cool and right for my sister (not that the two qualities are mutually exclusive) and let me be the first (after Robin, of course) to proclaim to the world that Matt Jones rocks. And not just because he said I could call him "Sweet Cheeks." (Wait, was that supposed to be just between us . . . ?)

2) I probably should ease up on the parenthetical expressions--there were 4 of them in the last paragraph, 2 of them within the confines of one sentence. (This item is not, strictly speaking, related to Matt's posting.)

3) D'oh! I did it again! (See Item #2.)

4) GACK! (This is the point where some people are saying, "Enough already," and others, mostly those who appreciate the "Family Guy" school of comic timing, are chuckling to themselves.)

5) Telling stories about stupid stuff you've done while drunk and other things in that vein do not automatically make one the "I used to party so hard, man, you shoulda seen it" guy. I agree, we all hate that guy. But, when one can back those stories up with more than talk, it's altogether different. It speaks to a higher level of committment. For example--speaking hypothetically of course--if one merely tells a story about stealing street signs one inebriated evening several years ago, one runs the risk of being the IUTPSHMYSSI guy. If, on the other hypothetical hand, one tells the same hypothetical tale and then punctuates it by pulling a hypothetical Forest Hill Avenue street sign out of the trunk of one's hypothetical Dodge Intrepid, well, then, one has passed the point of aimless "those were the good ol' days" bluster and moved unflinchingly into the realm of "look what I done did." And THAT guy, I'm sure we'll agree, is way cooler to talk with, have a beer with, or welcome into your family.